Running to the Finish Line

If you would've asked me about a year ago about running a 5K, I would've scoffed at the very suggestion.

Me, a runner? Not likely! Of course I was having a few health challenges last year, but still running was NEVER something I was interested in doing.

Only a few months later things changed. I started wondering what the big deal was with running, and I was impressed with several friends who took up running and were having great success with it. I started wanting to know for myself if running was something I could ever do.

Smirk found a program online that's basically designed to help you prepare for a 5K (even if it doesn't specifically say that), and I started following it. Unfortunately, the commitment wasn't there, so I was unsuccessful. After Christmas I decided I wanted to try it again partially because there's a certain power that comes from conquering something you've always disliked and partially in honor of my niece, whom I knew could never run with her bad heart.

I did great at training for the first two months of the year. It was only running around my basement, mind you, but it was still running, and I was proud of myself. But after my niece died, I lost it for a couple of months, and several things fell by the wayside, including running. By the time I was ready to take it up again, it was May and I was doing a walking challenge for work. I incorporated my running right into that and discovered a strength and endurance that I didn't know I possessed. I (gulp) discovered that I was beginning to not hate running anymore, even if it still made me anxious whenever I started preparing to go for a run.

Then Smirk asked if I wanted to do a 5K at the end of June. A 5K in only a month? Could I be ready? I decided that ready or not I was going to do it.

Which leads me to Saturday morning when I found myself at Sugarhouse Park, relatively early in the morning with a large group of people being the same crazy that I was. I had trained hard all that week and by the time Thursday came, I was sick of training and ready to just do the race. Surely it couldn't be as bad as all the days of running I'd just done. I was glad as I looked around the group to discover that not everyone looked like they'd been running for years. In fact, several looked similar to me, i.e. people just trying out a 5K for the first time.

We all gathered at the starting line and prepared to take off. The butterflies in my stomach were threatening to fly up at any moment, but I tried my best to squelch them. And then we were off.

I should tell you now that I am NOT a fast runner by any means, but I do try to be steady. Smirk and I kept an even pace, and we ran for the entire first lap and then some. I took about a minute to walk as we went into the second lap and then I was running again until we started going down the grassy slope. If you're not familiar with running on grass, it's harder than concrete, well in my opinion anyway, so I walked down the slope, through the picnic area and back onto the road for a short time. Then I was running again and made it almost the whole way up the second hill heading to the finish.

Once I got back to the concrete that surrounds the park and knew the finish line was pretty close, I knew I had to run the last quarter of a mile or however long it is. And run I did. I was determined to see this through to the end. As I passed through the finish line (my time was 36 something, but I don't remember exactly), I felt such a strong elation. I was delighted to give 5 to the guy standing by the timer, and my excitement continued as I realized what I had just done: I had run a 5K!! Smirk was right behind me. We both did amazing!! I was a little surprised when I almost started crying out of excitment. * Sigh * Sometimes I hate being a complicated female!

This experience has just taught me that sometimes we can do things we never thought possible. And if you set a goal (provided it's reasonable) and then work toward accomplishing it, there's no reason you shouldn't be able to. I was thinking before the race how excited I was that I no longer have to run, but I'm surprised in that I now want to keep running. Who would've thought that could happen? Certainly not me!

Central Park--A Little Something for Everyone

I apologize for yesterday's entry. It was just a sad moment for me, but I'm already feeling better. I think I was just at the end of my rope and frustrated about a few other things so when the ache started, I had a difficult time making it subside. I promise that I am much better today.

I wanted to move on to some other exciting entries that I have in mind, starting with the one about Central Park. First of all, it's huge! I don't think anything could've prepared me for just how giant that park really is. I've always thought Liberty Park was nice sized, but it's minute compared to Central Park. We were there for several hours and only saw about a third of the park. Crazy!

Since I'm me and this park is full to overflowing with people of course I got some great people watching time in, well in between trying not to wither away from all the humidity. Ick! I am a desert child and find humidity difficult. It did make my hands nice though. :) My observation is that Central Park pretty much has something for everyone. Whether you're a runner, walker, biker, hiker, skater, artist, boater or even just a regular person looking for some enjoyable outside time, Central Park is definitely for you.

Here's our group walking into the park.

The Bibliophile and I had a lovely chat with an older couple who live right across from the park and have been going there daily for about 25 years now. I was so impressed by that. Here are a few photos documenting all the types of people you see in the park. Sorry about the blurriness, but these were people on the move.

First, we have bikers. There were plenty of those.

Next, you have skateboarders. I didn't see quite as many of those, but there were definitely some there.

For however many dollars (I don't know how much because I didn't ask) you can pay to have one of these guys ride you around in a cart. All I can say is those guys must have some awesome leg muscles from hauling people around all day.

Ahh, of course there were plenty of runners too. I would love to someday go running in Central Park, although I wouldn't like being surrounded by so many people though. I prefer to run in quieter areas.

And for added flavor, mix in a few artists painting the much-needed green the park provides for the concrete jungle.

And if you'd like to go boating, well you can do that too.

There's even a place for some wildlife in the park, if you can consider turtles to be wildlife. These ones call Turtle Pond their home. We seriously thought they were statues because they weren't moving very much.

Lucky us! We got to be in the park on the day of the annual Puerto Rican Parade. That meant lots of noise, a large section of the park being blocked off and hoards of people running around in Puerto Rican flags, colors and many types of decorations to show pride for their country. Although it meant we didn't get to see the Alice in Wonderland statue, it did make our visit to the park that more interesting.

Just missing Ashley

I'm sorry everyone, but tonight's entry is going to be a sad one. I have several others that I'm still planning to write (including one about Central Park), but I'm not feeling any of them tonight, so please bear with me as I release a little bit of the emotion pent up inside of me.

I have to be honest--I've been struggling a lot lately. I felt like I was on the path to recovery, and my life has certainly been quite busy. To the casual observer everything appears to be fine. And if you asked, I would probably tell you that it is.

But in truth I would most likely be lying because I'm not fine just now. I will be, of course, but right now I'm not.

I can't say exactly what triggered this rush of emotion (although I have a few suspects), but I've been missing our beautiful angel a lot lately. I've been trying hard to keep it under control, to deal with it and not burden anybody with my grief. I didn't want to talk about it because I wasn't sure exactly what I felt inside so I couldn't very well put it into words for someone else. But I should be smarter than that because trying to keep it inside doesn't really work for me and really just exacerbates the problem.

Which leaves me where I'm at right now--feeling broken and miserable inside. And missing Ashley almost as much as I did right after she died. I was so sad this morning that I didn't want to go to work. I wanted to call in depressed, but I knew that wouldn't really help me, so I made myself get up, get ready and go to work. And I put on my work face, hoping nobody would notice. I even laughed and giggled about some silly things. But inside I hurt fiercely. And tonight the dam broke so I could finally let it all out.

I guess it's just another layer of grief that's surfacing. I'm sure that's going to happen more over the next few weeks, months and even years. And I know that I'm not alone in my grief. Tonight I read my wonderful sister's last blog post, and she talked about how she misses her every hour of every day. But she was her mom after all, so she's entitled to miss her. I hope that it gets a little easier over time, even if the hole never goes away.

In the meantime I'm just going to pray hard to make it through this latest bout of grief.

Just in case I haven't depressed you enough, I'm going to include some pictures of things I miss about my Miss Sassypants.

I miss the sass and silliness that characterized her.

I miss her visits to Salt Lake City (even if she was going to see her cardiologist) when I got to meet up with her, and whichever family members came, for lunch. I will always treasure those times, especially now. Or when we got to do fun stuff like get ice cream. Oh, and I also miss her happy smile.

I miss how playful she always was, doing silly things to make everyone laugh. And I miss having her at my house.

And, I'm sorry because this may be a tearjerker, but I miss how much she loved me. You could bask in the warmth that always came from Ashley's heart. She cared about everyone around her so much and was always looking out for your well being. Even a night or two before she died when she was so sick, she was still asking her mom if she had enough blankets and pillows. She was and still is our beautiful angel.

I know you're not gone, but I sure do miss you. I hope you are not only resting in peace but also doing great work on the other side with other family members who are already in heaven. I'm still waiting for the day when I get to see you again! Love you!