In which I make yet another big change . . .

I've been through a lot of changes in the last few months. Many of them were fun and exciting changes: getting into grad school, moving, increased dating opportunities and experiences, etc. Today I experienced one that wasn't so fun. It was my last day in my YSA (young single adult) ward.

I've been in singles wards for coming on 13 years now, and for the most part it's been a great experience. I've met wonderful friends, had many opportunities to serve and feel like I've established my testimony of the gospel in the experiences I've had. I love the excitement, enthusiasm and energy I always feel in my singles wards, and it's always different when I visit a family ward now, but not bad different, just different.

Within two weeks I will be having a "special" birthday, which means I have to find a new ward home. You wouldn't think so, but it's been a big pill for me to swallow. It left me feeling adrift, like I don't fit anywhere anymore. I'm not technically a YSA anymore, but am I going to fit better in a family ward or the mid-singles ward? It represents to me a decision I hoped to never hoped to make. What is the best opportunity for me to learn, serve and grow? This is a family-cenetered church I belong to, so what would it mean for me to go to a family ward as a single? Even though I don't like that I have to make this decision, I'm grateful that I get to choose rather than being told where I'm supposed to go.

I consider myself to be a proactive rather than reactive, so I've been trying to do my due diligence to figure out which decision is best. I visited both in the last month to decide which is the better fit. I was hopeful that maybe the mid-singles ward would work, but alas, it just wasn't the right fit for me. So, starting in just two weeks (because I'll be out of town next week), I'm going to be attending a family ward for the first time since I was 18. It's a big change, but I am hopeful for the best, and I feel good about my decision.

So even though leaving YSA land behind (without having accomplished the purpose of a singles ward, or finding an eternal companion), change is a good thing, right? I am excited to see what new experiences I will have and the people I will meet. And the other will still come, when the time is right of course.

I made it!!

Is anybody out there? Can anybody hear me? It's been a llooonnggg time since my last post, so for all I know nobody actually checks this anymore, but that's no one's fault but my own. Oh well!

As I sit here tonight, I'm happy to report that I'm only two papers away from being done with my first semester of grad school. Yay! What a wonderful feeling that is. I'm a little exhausted, a little burned out but very pleased with myself for this decision I've made. And I've learned a lot already. For example, I now understand the basic principles of accounting, something I was worried I would never get. I have safely ruled out anything in accounting as a career, but I've still learned a lot.

I have met many wonderful people, classmates who have become friends, who have suffered through the same assignments I have and have also worked very hard to do well on all class assignments. I have built a strong relationship of trust with a team of four other people who are very different from me, background and belief wise. In fact, three of them aren't even originally from the U.S., yet we've found a way to pull together and get things done. And I feel like they're people I have built a relationship of trust with, which also feels good.

This whole year has felt like such a journey to me. The first three months were spent intensively studying for the GMAT then taking it, then applying for grad school, doing interviews and finding out I got in. I spent the summer taking a GMAT math prep course and before I knew it school started.

I was so scared and intimidated that first day. I walked into my first four-hour lecture (something I had never experienced before) of accounting and was stressed how I'd ever make it through. I didn't do as well as I might have hoped, but I did make it! And I made it through my three other classes too: Teams, Marketing and Managing and Leading in Organizations. Each has taught me new things and helped me learned more about myself. I still have a long ways to go, but I'm officially on the path.

As this school year officially closes this week (when our last two team papers are prepared and submitted), my hope is to see myself enjoy my three-week break and then prepare to continue on my grad school journey.

One semester down, five more to go. But a nice break to look forward to now!

There just aren’t words . . .

I think it’s interesting to note that even for a wordy person like myself, there are still times when the words run out, and I just don’t have anything more to say.

Tonight I find myself in that place.

It’s truly been one of the longest and most exhausting days I’ve had in awhile. My emotional and physical selves are completely depleted, and as a result, my words seem to have disappeared too.

In the midst of sorting, packing, boxing up, loading, unloading and then organizing and unpacking, I’ve kept myself extremely busy today, a significant day in my opinion. So busy that I haven’t had time to feel and remember as I would’ve wanted to. That frustrates me because today is significant since it’s the day our beautiful angel would’ve turned 16.

Just look at that beautiful smile. So happy!

I’m not sure exactly what I would’ve wanted to do today if I weren’t completely occupied with moving. What I do know is that I wanted to take a minute to find some way to honor her, to remember all the things I loved about her and still cherish. And there just wasn’t time for that. Man, it was all I could do to gather some friends and even go see Despicable Me 2 tonight because I insisted on doing something fun.

And, even with all the laughs in the movie (it’s excellent, and I highly recommend going to see it), tonight I still find myself completely out of words to express what I want to say and how I very much wonder what she would be like at this point in her life. Would she have lots of boys after her? Would she be interested in them? Would she be a talented piano player accompanying the school choir or playing regularly in Young Women’s? I just don’t know.

Instead, she’s our beautiful angel in heaven, doing important work on the other side.

I suppose I can sum it up by saying that I still love and miss her very much. I know she watches over our family, and I’ve felt her close many times, with more times to come.

Once things settle down I’ll find a way to remember her in my own way.