The other reason I haven't written as much lately is because I have been struggling a lot, and truthfully, I haven't felt like my happy self. There's just a variety of things going on that I'm finding it difficult to deal with, but I'm slowly making my way through. Because I'm not feeling as cheerful as I normally am, I haven't been able to write bubbly entertaining entries. I really hate it when that happens. I want my blog to be a nice, fun place where playful Tammy resides. So when sad Tammy makes her appearance, I tend to stay away from my blog and from other people I don't want to infect with my sadness.
However, I am hopeful that "this too shall pass" and soon I will emerge triumphant on the other side of the storm currently above my head. In the meantime, I'm going to try hard to find humorous little things in my everyday life that could be potential blog posts because honestly that's what often makes the most interesting ones anyway. And I will try not to let my struggling mood manifest itself in my blog too much.
I do have to share one thing before I close though. Today was Fast Sunday. I was sitting in Sacrament meeting with no intention of bearing my testimony when I suddenly got that pounding feeling inside, you know, the one that means you need to bear your testimony. My heart was pounding so fast that I went up to the stand as soon as I could and waited while one person finished bearing his testimony.
To my utter mortification, the waterworks started before I could even begin talking and continued throughout my testimony. I hope the congregation could even understand what I said! However, I must admit it was one of the most humble and sincere testimonies I have ever given, and hopefully people felt that too. The worst part was that even after I went back to my seat I couldn't stop crying throughout the entire meeting. In a lot of ways though it was like the dam on the tide of emotions I've been feeling lately burst and it all came rushing out. It's good to get it out of my system, but I sure wish it could've been done in a less public location, like say, my bedroom or something. For anyone who doesn't know me well, I hate crying in front of people. I think it's totally fine when other people cry in front of me but I hate doing that myself. Sometimes though I think it's just inevitable, as it was in this case.
Here's to hoping for more cheerful times are forthcoming.
