Friday, July 19, 2013

There just aren’t words . . .

I think it’s interesting to note that even for a wordy person like myself, there are still times when the words run out, and I just don’t have anything more to say.

Tonight I find myself in that place.

It’s truly been one of the longest and most exhausting days I’ve had in awhile. My emotional and physical selves are completely depleted, and as a result, my words seem to have disappeared too.

In the midst of sorting, packing, boxing up, loading, unloading and then organizing and unpacking, I’ve kept myself extremely busy today, a significant day in my opinion. So busy that I haven’t had time to feel and remember as I would’ve wanted to. That frustrates me because today is significant since it’s the day our beautiful angel would’ve turned 16.

Just look at that beautiful smile. So happy!

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I’m not sure exactly what I would’ve wanted to do today if I weren’t completely occupied with moving. What I do know is that I wanted to take a minute to find some way to honor her, to remember all the things I loved about her and still cherish. And there just wasn’t time for that. Man, it was all I could do to gather some friends and even go see Despicable Me 2 tonight because I insisted on doing something fun.

And, even with all the laughs in the movie (it’s excellent, and I highly recommend going to see it), tonight I still find myself completely out of words to express what I want to say and how I very much wonder what she would be like at this point in her life. Would she have lots of boys after her? Would she be interested in them? Would she be a talented piano player accompanying the school choir or playing regularly in Young Women’s? I just don’t know.

Instead, she’s our beautiful angel in heaven, doing important work on the other side.

I suppose I can sum it up by saying that I still love and miss her very much. I know she watches over our family, and I’ve felt her close many times, with more times to come.

Once things settle down I’ll find a way to remember her in my own way.