I made it!!

Is anybody out there? Can anybody hear me? It's been a llooonnggg time since my last post, so for all I know nobody actually checks this anymore, but that's no one's fault but my own. Oh well!

As I sit here tonight, I'm happy to report that I'm only two papers away from being done with my first semester of grad school. Yay! What a wonderful feeling that is. I'm a little exhausted, a little burned out but very pleased with myself for this decision I've made. And I've learned a lot already. For example, I now understand the basic principles of accounting, something I was worried I would never get. I have safely ruled out anything in accounting as a career, but I've still learned a lot.

I have met many wonderful people, classmates who have become friends, who have suffered through the same assignments I have and have also worked very hard to do well on all class assignments. I have built a strong relationship of trust with a team of four other people who are very different from me, background and belief wise. In fact, three of them aren't even originally from the U.S., yet we've found a way to pull together and get things done. And I feel like they're people I have built a relationship of trust with, which also feels good.

This whole year has felt like such a journey to me. The first three months were spent intensively studying for the GMAT then taking it, then applying for grad school, doing interviews and finding out I got in. I spent the summer taking a GMAT math prep course and before I knew it school started.

I was so scared and intimidated that first day. I walked into my first four-hour lecture (something I had never experienced before) of accounting and was stressed how I'd ever make it through. I didn't do as well as I might have hoped, but I did make it! And I made it through my three other classes too: Teams, Marketing and Managing and Leading in Organizations. Each has taught me new things and helped me learned more about myself. I still have a long ways to go, but I'm officially on the path.

As this school year officially closes this week (when our last two team papers are prepared and submitted), my hope is to see myself enjoy my three-week break and then prepare to continue on my grad school journey.

One semester down, five more to go. But a nice break to look forward to now!

There just aren’t words . . .

I think it’s interesting to note that even for a wordy person like myself, there are still times when the words run out, and I just don’t have anything more to say.

Tonight I find myself in that place.

It’s truly been one of the longest and most exhausting days I’ve had in awhile. My emotional and physical selves are completely depleted, and as a result, my words seem to have disappeared too.

In the midst of sorting, packing, boxing up, loading, unloading and then organizing and unpacking, I’ve kept myself extremely busy today, a significant day in my opinion. So busy that I haven’t had time to feel and remember as I would’ve wanted to. That frustrates me because today is significant since it’s the day our beautiful angel would’ve turned 16.

Just look at that beautiful smile. So happy!

I’m not sure exactly what I would’ve wanted to do today if I weren’t completely occupied with moving. What I do know is that I wanted to take a minute to find some way to honor her, to remember all the things I loved about her and still cherish. And there just wasn’t time for that. Man, it was all I could do to gather some friends and even go see Despicable Me 2 tonight because I insisted on doing something fun.

And, even with all the laughs in the movie (it’s excellent, and I highly recommend going to see it), tonight I still find myself completely out of words to express what I want to say and how I very much wonder what she would be like at this point in her life. Would she have lots of boys after her? Would she be interested in them? Would she be a talented piano player accompanying the school choir or playing regularly in Young Women’s? I just don’t know.

Instead, she’s our beautiful angel in heaven, doing important work on the other side.

I suppose I can sum it up by saying that I still love and miss her very much. I know she watches over our family, and I’ve felt her close many times, with more times to come.

Once things settle down I’ll find a way to remember her in my own way.

Doubts … and Faith

It’s late right now, and I should’ve been asleep about an hour ago. And, yet, I find myself troubled by Sunday night insomnia once again. So, instead, I’m going to write a quick post about an important lesson I learned this week.

As you know, grad school is coming up fast. I’m down to less than two months before it starts. A brand new requirement this year is for all incoming students to complete an MBA math course to help prepare us for the “rigorous math curriculum” we’ll be doing in the program.

Well … math isn’t my strong suit anyway, and it’s been about 12 years since my last math class. So, I was more than a little stressed when I got the email telling me I had to take the class. However, I decided to put my head down and go to work.

The class has five different modules: Excel, Finance, Economics, Statistics and Accounting. A lot of it has to do with learning how to use Excel to do this math. While I know Excel basics, it’s been good for me to learn more of the math functions in the program. So, in that respect, the class has been good for me already.

This week I officially hit a low point. I came to a concept which wasn’t explained well, and I was absolutely not getting it. My plan was to find any way to understand it enough to pass the final quiz and call it good. However, my colleague, who is already in the program, told me it’s a concept that comes up all the time, so I knew that option wasn’t going to work.

Then I started thinking … if I can’t get this concept, how in the world am I going to complete two years of vigorous business classes? Can I even do it? Am I going to be successful? If I’m going to put this much time, effort and money into something I certainly don’t want to fail.

And, my doubts took over, making me question if this was truly going to work out for me. All week long I’ve been struggling with this concept in particular, but worrying if I could handle the program as a whole.

Yesterday I learned that I truly can!

I had a family party in the evening and after fulfilling some obligations in the morning, I had limited time to work on my homework. While still working through it, I ran into a computer problem I couldn’t figure out how to solve. I was so frustrated I almost started crying.

However, after saying a little prayer, I was not only able to fix the problem, but I also discovered why my formula  wasn’t working. I continued my homework, and eventually, successfully finished it with an understanding of how this concept works.

In doing so, I realized my faith was being tested, my certainty in knowing this is the right decision for me. It was confirmed to me once again that grad school is absolutely the right choice. No matter how hard it’s going to be, I can do it because that’s what Heavenly Father wants me to do. I just need to have enough faith and humility to always ask for help as needed, and He’ll bless me.

It was a powerful lesson to learn, and I’m going to need to hold onto it, especially when things get tough, as I’m sure they will.