Sunday, June 30, 2013

Doubts … and Faith

It’s late right now, and I should’ve been asleep about an hour ago. And, yet, I find myself troubled by Sunday night insomnia once again. So, instead, I’m going to write a quick post about an important lesson I learned this week.

As you know, grad school is coming up fast. I’m down to less than two months before it starts. A brand new requirement this year is for all incoming students to complete an MBA math course to help prepare us for the “rigorous math curriculum” we’ll be doing in the program.

Well … math isn’t my strong suit anyway, and it’s been about 12 years since my last math class. So, I was more than a little stressed when I got the email telling me I had to take the class. However, I decided to put my head down and go to work.

The class has five different modules: Excel, Finance, Economics, Statistics and Accounting. A lot of it has to do with learning how to use Excel to do this math. While I know Excel basics, it’s been good for me to learn more of the math functions in the program. So, in that respect, the class has been good for me already.

This week I officially hit a low point. I came to a concept which wasn’t explained well, and I was absolutely not getting it. My plan was to find any way to understand it enough to pass the final quiz and call it good. However, my colleague, who is already in the program, told me it’s a concept that comes up all the time, so I knew that option wasn’t going to work.

Then I started thinking … if I can’t get this concept, how in the world am I going to complete two years of vigorous business classes? Can I even do it? Am I going to be successful? If I’m going to put this much time, effort and money into something I certainly don’t want to fail.

And, my doubts took over, making me question if this was truly going to work out for me. All week long I’ve been struggling with this concept in particular, but worrying if I could handle the program as a whole.

Yesterday I learned that I truly can!

I had a family party in the evening and after fulfilling some obligations in the morning, I had limited time to work on my homework. While still working through it, I ran into a computer problem I couldn’t figure out how to solve. I was so frustrated I almost started crying.

However, after saying a little prayer, I was not only able to fix the problem, but I also discovered why my formula  wasn’t working. I continued my homework, and eventually, successfully finished it with an understanding of how this concept works.

In doing so, I realized my faith was being tested, my certainty in knowing this is the right decision for me. It was confirmed to me once again that grad school is absolutely the right choice. No matter how hard it’s going to be, I can do it because that’s what Heavenly Father wants me to do. I just need to have enough faith and humility to always ask for help as needed, and He’ll bless me.

It was a powerful lesson to learn, and I’m going to need to hold onto it, especially when things get tough, as I’m sure they will.

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