Doubts … and Faith

It’s late right now, and I should’ve been asleep about an hour ago. And, yet, I find myself troubled by Sunday night insomnia once again. So, instead, I’m going to write a quick post about an important lesson I learned this week.

As you know, grad school is coming up fast. I’m down to less than two months before it starts. A brand new requirement this year is for all incoming students to complete an MBA math course to help prepare us for the “rigorous math curriculum” we’ll be doing in the program.

Well … math isn’t my strong suit anyway, and it’s been about 12 years since my last math class. So, I was more than a little stressed when I got the email telling me I had to take the class. However, I decided to put my head down and go to work.

The class has five different modules: Excel, Finance, Economics, Statistics and Accounting. A lot of it has to do with learning how to use Excel to do this math. While I know Excel basics, it’s been good for me to learn more of the math functions in the program. So, in that respect, the class has been good for me already.

This week I officially hit a low point. I came to a concept which wasn’t explained well, and I was absolutely not getting it. My plan was to find any way to understand it enough to pass the final quiz and call it good. However, my colleague, who is already in the program, told me it’s a concept that comes up all the time, so I knew that option wasn’t going to work.

Then I started thinking … if I can’t get this concept, how in the world am I going to complete two years of vigorous business classes? Can I even do it? Am I going to be successful? If I’m going to put this much time, effort and money into something I certainly don’t want to fail.

And, my doubts took over, making me question if this was truly going to work out for me. All week long I’ve been struggling with this concept in particular, but worrying if I could handle the program as a whole.

Yesterday I learned that I truly can!

I had a family party in the evening and after fulfilling some obligations in the morning, I had limited time to work on my homework. While still working through it, I ran into a computer problem I couldn’t figure out how to solve. I was so frustrated I almost started crying.

However, after saying a little prayer, I was not only able to fix the problem, but I also discovered why my formula  wasn’t working. I continued my homework, and eventually, successfully finished it with an understanding of how this concept works.

In doing so, I realized my faith was being tested, my certainty in knowing this is the right decision for me. It was confirmed to me once again that grad school is absolutely the right choice. No matter how hard it’s going to be, I can do it because that’s what Heavenly Father wants me to do. I just need to have enough faith and humility to always ask for help as needed, and He’ll bless me.

It was a powerful lesson to learn, and I’m going to need to hold onto it, especially when things get tough, as I’m sure they will.

And the fortune says . . .

Can you believe it? I’m posting again and it’s only been a few days since my last post. Will wonders never cease? Or it could be because after two and a half months of dedicated studying, I have now finished my prep course, including all six practice tests! Yay!

I finished just in time too – my test day is this Saturday! I’m nervous for sure, but my practice tests have shown me that my level of readiness has increased. I’m hopeful it will be enough. I’ll know shortly. Wish me remembrance and understanding. Prayers definitely help too.

I do want to share a few fun pieces of information that have encouraged me along on this journey.

This is one I got last summer, and I liked the idea of it, so I taped it to my computer at work. At that point, grad school wasn’t really on my radar. I just liked the idea of something new and exciting happening.

This is one I got in January. At the time I was excited for it to refer to something else, but I’m just as okay with it perhaps referring to the GMAT and grad school. In any case, it’s encouraged me to be brave.

I don’t remember when I got either of these, but since they apply to the task at hand, I’m including them.

Let’s hope the Chinese (or whoever writes these fortunes) got it right and test day proves to be successful for me.

Happy 2013!!

Hello to anyone who actually still checks my blog! I’ve had a bit of an unplanned hiatus, and I apologize for that. It’s been a very busy last month. However, I am happy to write my official post welcoming 2013!

I rang in this year quietly with just my parents and me playing games and having a nice evening together. And I’ve pretty much been incredibly busy since I got back. So, what’s been keeping me so busy? Studying!

My big goals for 2013 are 1) to take the GMAT and pass with an acceptable score and 2) get into grad school! There’s a few other small ones of course like continuing with my physical activity and the like, but grad school is the big goal in front of my face right now.

I signed up for an online GMAT prep course at the end of November. I thought I could get some quality studying time in December before Christmas. While I got a few lessons in, I didn’t have time to get as much studying as I might have liked. And my lovely long Christmas break was filled with other activities that didn’t involve studying for the GMAT. Alas, if I want to pass with a score acceptable enough to get me into the school of my choice, I knew this had to change.

So it did.

Since I’ve now gotten myself back into the work groove, with the commute each way, I now spend my evenings studying, going to the gym, eating a little something and then studying some more. Followed by a reasonable bed time so I can remember what I learn. And when I can, I sneak in social activities and trips to the temple. And then my focus is back on studying again.

Does it sound like an intense schedule? Well, I must admit that it is, but I’m making it. I officially registered for the test this week, and in doing so, I upped my test date by about 10 days. Yikes! But it’s now early enough that just in case I don’t do as well as I’d like, I can take it again in time to apply for the April 1 deadline.

Wish me luck (and the ability to remember all that math from junior high and high school) as I work toward this ambitious goal! I feel great about my choice even though it’s a lot of work, however, so I’m going to persist.

Happy 2013 everyone!

Decisions, decisions

A little over two months ago I got the brilliant idea that maybe it was time for a brand new life goal, something I could be in charge of and work toward. What is this goal, you may ask? Grad school.

As you can imagine, this is a big decision. There’s a lot of factors to consider from where to go to the time and money it’s going to involve. Not to mention the preparation it’ll take to get there, i.e. a nasty graduate entrance exam, complete with a full prep course, that will cost a nice chunk of change all on its own.

I’ve been pondering if I’m ready to give up pretty much all my free time, my social life and, gulp, my exercise time too. These are all things I value and would have a hard time sacrificing, even though I know the reason you sacrifice is to give up something good for something better. In this case, it would be to sacrifice things I care about in order to improve myself.

Plus, two years of my life is a big commitment. I can see the benefits of why I’d do it, but I’m not getting any younger. This is also more debt than I’ve ever been in for my entire life.

These are all the cons, in case you’re wondering.

The pros are that this is a big goal, something I could accomplish. There’s still plenty of things in life I want that I can’t control, so it’d be nice to have something big like this that I can. It’s more education, better training and may provide a chance for me to advance in the professional world. Quite honestly I can’t picture a world in which I don’t have to work, so isn’t it wise to give myself the best opportunity for professional advancement?

I talked to my supervisor at work about grad school, and she’s in full support of it. She told me my job is perfect for this because it can be flexible, and she also said this will show how serious I am about my career so I can move forward. With support like that, wouldn’t I be crazy to not take her up on it?!

I’ve thought about going the online route, but ultimately decided against it because I want to physically sit in a classroom and have the chance to network with other people. Pretty much everyone I’ve talked to about this has supported the idea. In fact, one person even said, “Nobody ever regretted going to business school.”

I went to an information meeting tonight, and I found myself nervous but excited as I listened to the enrollment counselor talking about the program. I pictured myself in the classroom again (somewhere I haven’t been for quite awhile) with maybe some of the people in the room as my classmates. And I got excited all over again. I’m slightly overwhelmed contemplating it right now … but I still feel good about it.

So, even with reservations, it looks like more school is in my future. Now I’ve got to start on the road to preparation. If I want this, I just have to commit, and then I can go for it!