So I think after my last post, it's time to write something more cheery/positive. I've wanted to write this for a few weeks but just haven't gotten around to it. Despite the late hour, I think now is a great time to do so.
About a month ago I had a conversation with a friend about everything that is going on in my life. I was telling this person about my excellent support team who are always there for me when I need them. I know when I reach a certain point (usually a low) that I need to be willing to ask these friends for help. This friend asked if my real question was if I should be relying more on God and not on man.
I was slightly put off by the question because that's not what I'd been asking at all. However, we had a great conversation which encouraged me to think things over. I realized that I do need to put more trust in my Father in Heaven. At that point, I was already praying to be able to do so, but I don't think I was putting as much effort into it as I needed to. Following our conversation, I made a promise to myself that I would.
I recently realized that in the last few weeks I have seen myself learning to trust more in God but not in the way I would have anticipated. (Doesn't it always happen that way, though?) :)
As I mentioned in my previous post, the last few weeks have been some of the most difficult ones I've had to face. I have despaired as I read all that my niece has had to suffer, along with my sister and brother-in-law who are doing their best to take care of her. It hurts so much to know she's suffering and to realize I can do nothing to help. Physically, there's not one single thing my family or I can do to relieve her suffering.
Except thanks to the conversation I had with my friend, I know I can do something: I can pray with all the strength of my heart and then trust that Father in Heaven will hear me and bless her accordingly.
It's not an easy realization to have, but in some ways it has brought me peace on those darkest days. Even at the times when I don't know what to pray for anymore, I still know that I can pray and, more importantly, that my Heavenly Father will hear me. My job is to trust with all my heart in that being who will never let me down, and I know that He will bless her according to His will. That's the other difficult aspect of this: I also have to pray hard to be able to accept His will. But I'm pretty sure that's another whole territory that I won't go into right now.
I just feel humble to have learned this important lesson and to be doing my best to live it.