The dark side

Today I read a blog post that I’ve been thinking about all day. It was talking about this person’s experience with a friend of his, a girl whom he’d always considered to be a kind sort of person, until she did something that showed a mean streak underneath the kind exterior. His point in posting was not to point fingers or condemn her, but just to talk about the fact that most people have said mean streak underneath the seemingly happy disposition.

I’ve been thinking about this post ever since I read it this afternoon. I suppose it struck me because in some ways it reminds me of me.

I am what most people would consider a kind person with a sunny disposition. But I also know that like this girl spoken about in the post, I do have a mean streak. I try really hard to repress it and not let it rule my life, but it somehow it still comes out, in ways that I don’t like. I behave just like the girl he talked about in the post.

I wish that I didn’t have this dark side of my personality, and I wish it didn’t come out as frequently as it does. Or the thing that seems to draw it out is situations where I get frustrated and/or upset about something and then talk to everyone else about it but the person who upset me. Yes, I know it’s passive aggressive and, yes, I know it’s extremely poor communication.

I’ve been trying hard to work on it for the last year and feel I’ve made some progress but not enough to fix the problem. * Sigh *

I suppose that means I’m just going to have to try harder to get rid of this dark side of my personality, most likely through better and more open communication.