Sunday, February 1, 2009

I Promise I'll Do Better

So this weekend it was pointed out to me that I haven't been writing in my blog so much lately. Yes, I have to admit that is a true statement. During the week I either don't have time or am doing other things so I haven't been as diligent about writing here. Sorry about that any faithful blog readers who feel they are being deprived of their regular doses of Tammy.

The other reason I haven't written as much lately is because I have been struggling a lot, and truthfully, I haven't felt like my happy self. There's just a variety of things going on that I'm finding it difficult to deal with, but I'm slowly making my way through. Because I'm not feeling as cheerful as I normally am, I haven't been able to write bubbly entertaining entries. I really hate it when that happens. I want my blog to be a nice, fun place where playful Tammy resides. So when sad Tammy makes her appearance, I tend to stay away from my blog and from other people I don't want to infect with my sadness.

However, I am hopeful that "this too shall pass" and soon I will emerge triumphant on the other side of the storm currently above my head. In the meantime, I'm going to try hard to find humorous little things in my everyday life that could be potential blog posts because honestly that's what often makes the most interesting ones anyway. And I will try not to let my struggling mood manifest itself in my blog too much.

I do have to share one thing before I close though. Today was Fast Sunday. I was sitting in Sacrament meeting with no intention of bearing my testimony when I suddenly got that pounding feeling inside, you know, the one that means you need to bear your testimony. My heart was pounding so fast that I went up to the stand as soon as I could and waited while one person finished bearing his testimony.

To my utter mortification, the waterworks started before I could even begin talking and continued throughout my testimony. I hope the congregation could even understand what I said! However, I must admit it was one of the most humble and sincere testimonies I have ever given, and hopefully people felt that too. The worst part was that even after I went back to my seat I couldn't stop crying throughout the entire meeting. In a lot of ways though it was like the dam on the tide of emotions I've been feeling lately burst and it all came rushing out. It's good to get it out of my system, but I sure wish it could've been done in a less public location, like say, my bedroom or something. For anyone who doesn't know me well, I hate crying in front of people. I think it's totally fine when other people cry in front of me but I hate doing that myself. Sometimes though I think it's just inevitable, as it was in this case.

Here's to hoping for more cheerful times are forthcoming.


gag01001 said...

I'm so sorry life has been difficult for you this year. I knew things were going on, but I didn't realize how bad it was because I'm not right there to see it all. I'm sending you mental ice cream and hugs.

Hang in there. Don't forget that even the happiest person sometime struggles with happiness. You aren't alone!

Trixie Lovelace said...

Hey Tammy,
You don't have to be bubbly all the time. Everyone has there days when we just need a good cry. Andrew and I will be praying for you that all will work out on the Lord's time table and or His glory.
Love Trixie

Andersons said...

Tammy, I didn't know that you had a blog! Thanks to Trixie I have found it. I'm excited to read it. I hate those days when the crying wont stop. I am hoping that you are feeling better today, hang in there. Love ya, Robin

Jamie Lyn said...

Tammy, I like your blog because of your honesty. Thanks for that. I hope things get better quickly. Kathryn sent you mental ice cream. I'll send you mental chocolate. It's even fat-free!

Thanks for playing Sunday!

Confuzzled said...

Hopefully my incessant wackiness helps bring out cheerful Tammy. Or at least helps sad Tammy retreat a little.

But if me being me isn't helping, feel free to whack me upside the head and tell me to sober up and listen.

Just don't whack my head too hard. I need all the brain capacity I can have for school . . . ;)