I have been feeling so frustrated all day long! I promised myself that I would never do this again and somehow I have. Ugh!
A long time ago in January I wrote a blog post about how you should never jump to conclusions about something or react out of anger. (Okay, I can't remember about the anger part, but if I didn't include that, I really should have.) This is because you almost always say things when you're mad that you don't really mean and then you can't take them back. I think I do fairly well at holding my tongue when I'm mad, but I'm definitely not perfect at it, and this week proved it to me once again.
Oh gosh! I'm really shaking my head at myself for doing something so stupid, but I need to just calm down and look at this logically.
I guess I should bring all of you into the loop of what I mean. I don't want to go into specifics, but let's just say that I let myself be talked into being angry at someone. I was upset by something this person had done, and perhaps justifiably so, and I waited for several days before letting them know I was upset. I was afraid of the reaction I'd get, but I talked myself into believing that whatever I had said was justified, gosh dang it! I wouldn't necessarily say that I was cruel but I was harsh. And I made some snap judgements that perhaps I shouldn't have.
In a mature and kind fashion, this person didn't send an immediate response but waited and carefully composed a message that was both explanatory and kind. I suppose a good part of it was justification, but they didn't make excuses for their behavior, and I respect that. I know this friend well enough to know that I can only expect so much from them but then I talk myself into thinking otherwise and, shock, get disappointed. I also went into this thinking I understood all the possible reasons why this person might have behaved that way and there is a lot more going on than I was aware of. I want to say for sure that next time I won't behave that way, next time I will take a step back and consider what might be going on in that person's life and, above all, I will stop letting myself be so influenced by other people but I suppose these are all weaknesses I have to overcome.
Oh well. I guess you live and you learn. I would like to think sometimes that I'm wise, but in all honesty I still have so much to learn. Hopefully I'm at least on the right path.