Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Waiting, just waiting

What do you do when you know the worst is coming but you don't know when? And you're halfway afraid every time your cell phone rings that it'll be that one call, the one that will tell you for sure that the thing you've been dreading for quite some time has come. Voicemail messages no longer just mean that you missed a call but they might contain sad news (although I must admit I think it'd be terrible to hear it that way).

How do you decide what to pray for? And if the person who will shortly be leaving this life has found peace knowing that her loved ones will be okay, how do you go about finding the same peace and a way to fill in the hole her departure will leave behind?

I know there will be a time, at least for a little while, where everything isn't going to be okay, and I just have to accept that. It will be hard for awhile for my whole family, particularly my sister and her family. My heart aches every time I think what they must be going through, which only makes me pray harder that they will be able to make it through and be stronger for it. I'm sure if I look deep inside myself that I can figure out what I need to do and where I need to turn for comfort and strength. It's just difficult to figure out how to make myself do it when I feel so broken and sad inside with tears threatening every time I turn around.

But all I can do is pray with all the strength I posess that somehow, some way I'll make it through this. That when the waiting is over, I will be able to bear the loss it'll bring.

Despite what it may sound like here, I do know that I am NEVER alone and that my Father in Heaven will NEVER leave me comfortless. I just need to keep things in perspective and do all the things that will draw me to Him, and to my Savior. If my wonderful, amazing sister can do it, so can I.

In the meantime, I'll just keep waiting . . .


gag01001 said...

You truly aren't alone, Tammy. And when that call does come, we will be here to bare you up.

Andersons said...

I really don't know what to say...just know that I love you, and I'm praying for your family.

Katie said...

I'm so sorry. I feel like sometimes the hardest part is the waiting. I agree with Kathryn; you are never alone. I'll keep you in my prayers.