Thursday, August 26, 2010

Wrong to go right (if that makes any sense)

I guess aside from my post yesterday I haven't really related my moving struggles here. I don't really want to dwell on it, but suffice it to say that a friend and I have been searching for a place now for over a month and have had no success in finding one. We've seen many places and even quite a few nice ones, but nothing has really felt like it should be our new home. And I'm not really into the idea of moving somewhere just for the sake of moving, even if it is tempting. I want it to really feel like home. It doesn't help that I've been spoiled by living in a house for the past two years. :)

As the end of the month is quickly approaching I have been despairing that I was going to end up homeless (well at least temporarily). We went to look at a few more places yesterday and one looked promising but still didn't quite feel right. The one I was really interested in got rented before we could go see it.

I was so frustrated last night. And I was kind of mad at Heavenly Father too because I felt like I've been doing everything I needed to do in order to make this work and it's still not happening.

Until it became clear to me: perhaps I'm not going in the direction I'm supposed to be going.

Perhaps I'm trying to make something work that just isn't supposed to work out. This was confirmed to me in an email from the friend I've been planning to move with who said as much. We're just looking for different things and have different needs. I was really disappointed and, I must admit, afraid after I read that.

Now what was I going to do?

I talked it over with another friend and got that warm feeling inside, the one where you know that you're doing the right thing. But then my task was to figure out what thing was right. After a little brooding/soul searching during my lunch break, I figured it out. And now I'm back on the right path again. I felt it so strongly all afternoon, a peace inside that's been missing for several weeks now. It replaced my turmoil. Hallelujah! I feel light and free again.

But then I had to ask myself why it's taken me so long to come to this realization. I decided that sometimes I have to go the wrong way before I can go right again. Or I didn't realize my path wasn't the right one, but now I do. A good friend once told me that oftentimes she has to make a decision and move forward with it before it becomes clear to her that it's the wrong one. I thought it sounded strange and hard at the time, but now I understand what she meant.

I couldn't be more excited to make my move to Sandy within the next few days. Wa-hoo!

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