Each life that touches ours for good . . .

I found out last Monday night that my bishopric is going to be released this coming Sunday. I must admit that I was sad to hear it.

It’s taken me a little while, but I have truly come to love and respect the three men called to lead our ward flock. My bishop is hilarious, and the other two counselors are right with him. I’ve worked closely with one of them for my Temple Committee calling, and it’s been a great experience. They are truly men of God, and I appreciate their service. It took me awhile to figure out just how much I love my ward, but now that I have, I’m sad to see a major change.

Once again as I did when I moved a year and a half ago (when my last bishopric was released), I wish these men the best as they move on to something new in their lives . . . and get used to being in a family ward once again. I suppose it could be a hard transition, but I’m sure they’ll do great.

My heart was truly touched last week at home evening when the bishop broke down in tears telling us he would be released. I could feel the love he has for all of us, and that made me realize that a lot of that love is coming straight from Heavenly Father. It was a humbling thought.

As I’ve contemplated this change, it’s made me reflect on people who have touched my life in various and sometimes unexpected ways. Some things become even more meaningful with the passage of time, even if they meant at lot when they happened.

I had the opportunity to get together with friends from one of my old wards this weekend, and I spent time talking to one of them about many of the ward members whom I’ve lost contact with but still care about. Again, I thought of how these people have all had an effect on my life and how I’m sad they’re no longer a direct part of it, but I’m grateful for the time I had with them.

I’m sorry to wax philosophical and perhaps a bit sad in this entry. It’s just confirmed to me, once again, that nobody is an island, and our lives touch others in so many ways, sometimes in ways we can’t even see until much later. So to those who’ve played key roles in my life (even if you don’t know it), I thank you and hope I’ve been able to touch your life as much.

Starting over again

Yay! Internet access twice in a few days. Excellent!

Today I attended my new ward for the second time. I was so proud of myself last week for going because I had to do it by myself. Let's be honest--it's not always fun to go to church alone, but it's especially hard to do it in a new ward. I was glad that I got up the nerve to do it. And I felt rewarded by the fact that I made a new friend in my ward, who is also new.

It wasn't quite as hard to go today, but it hasn't gotten to the point where it's easy yet. In fact as I was leaving the house to head to church, the thought crossed my mind that I could just come right back in the house and not go to church at all. But it was fleeting and I dismissed it immediately. Not going to church is not an option for me, especially after all I've been through in the last year. I've had too many witnesses to ever think that I could stop going and be okay with it. That's why I plan to work hard to get established in my ward, so it's easier to go every time. And I've got to put myself out there, which I'm not very good at. But I'm working on it.

It's been a couple years since I've done the new in the ward thing, and I've forgotten that it takes time and effort to establish yourself. Most people don't just come up to you and make it easy; in fact, that's the exception rather than the rule. But just because people don't come up and introduce themselves to you doesn't mean it's a bad ward or anything. It just means they're comfortable and have probably forgotten what it's like to be new. It's all right.

Each time I become the newbie, I always promise myself that I will become one of those people who introduces herself to other people and tries to make others feel welcome. I don't know that I always succeed, but I do try. Sometimes I'm just better at it than other times.

In any case, wish my luck as I integrate myself into a new ward. Hopefully it all works out for me. :)

Endings and beginnings

Today I saw the ending of an era for the members of my ward: a new bishopric was put in. It's always both sad and happy to see this happen; happy because they've earned a rest from an involved and busy calling but always sad to see them go. This was no exception.

I have very much appreciated my kind and wise bishop for the two years I've been in my ward. I have sensed very much his love of all of us in the ward and of the Lord. And I've appreciated how much he has watched over me and supported me through a difficult time. I wish only the best for him and his counselors as they move onto other callings in their lives.

Today was also my last day in my ward. I've been waiting for this day for some time, anticipating it even, but I found it to be sadder than I would've thought. I think it had to do with the bishopric also leaving and of saying good-bye to people I love and appreciate who have been kind to me.

It was also sad because it made me remember my exit from my last ward two years ago, also at the same time my bishopric was released. I cried many tears that day not only for the bishopric, whom I truly loved and respected, but because I had to leave a ward I loved. But, I made the transition, and it turned out to be just fine.

All of this has put me in mind of endings and beginnings. Life is so full of both. Sometimes the end comes sooner than you would like, while other times it comes later. Some endings are more difficult while others are easier.

But, with every ending also comes a new beginning. It may not be entirely welcome, especially if the end came sooner than you wanted, but the beginning can provide a means to cope with the change. Or, if the ending was welcome, the beginning can be a gateway to other new and exciting things. It's all a matter of perspective and of dealing with the change.

Here's hoping that recent endings and beginnings in my own life can bring me the happiness and peace that I seek. I feel optimistic about the outcome, however, and am sure everything will work out for the best.

Alone Time: Love it or Hate it?

As I write this today I find myself sitting in my basement with both of my roommates gone until tomorrow. But don't worry--I'm leaving shortly to participate in fun activities for the evening, so I won't just be hanging out by myself all night. Trust me that's a good thing!

But being alone always puts me in a reflective mood probably because I both love and loathe it so much. I do enjoy having alone time, also known as "me" time, to sit and think or to do whatever it is I need to accomplish. I like to use it to space out from the day, particularly if it's been a long one, and sometimes use it to cry. I prefer to cry when I'm alone as opposed to when I'm with other people. It just suits me better. I also like the alone time because I can do pretty much whatever the heck I want to. I can blast my music, clean my house or simply sit and read a book all day. In fact, I prefer having an empty house when I clean. But that's beside the point.

On the flip side, I also HATE the idea of being alone. I hate feeling like there's no one there if I need them and especially that there's nobody to talk to. I know, I know my phone makes it possible for me to talk to someone whenever I want but it's not the same as having someone there. Sometimes I think I'm even afraid of being alone just a little bit because then I have to think about all the things I can mask during the day when I'm with other people. And I let my guard down, which isn't an entirely bad thing.

I suppose that the key to enjoying alone time is to just learn to embrace it, to not be afraid of what I might think when I'm alone or how I might feel and instead just let myself feel those things. I also have to convince myself that it's not pathetic.

A couple weeks ago I did a brave thing: I went to a movie by myself. I know there are plenty of people who do it all the time, but I'm not one of them. I've always thought I wouldn't enjoy the movie as much if I was by myself or, again, that I'd feel pathetic. This time I just feel empowered, which seems strange, but it all has to do with this transformation I'm going through right now. And for a girl who both loves and loathes alone time like I do, this is a big accomplishment.

In the meantime, I'm going to continue to teach myself how to enjoy alone time while not letting it overwhelm me. Wish me luck!

Changes

So I'm sure you've heard the idea that the only constant thing in life is change. Well, I can tell you for a fact that it's true. I've seen it manifested in my life many times. You can be going along at a nice steady pace only to realize the road ahead is curving whether you're ready for it or not. That just means you need to grab onto the wheel and proceed with caution, especially if the curve is an especially sharp one. Sometimes it's a series of small turns all in a row, but the funny thing is that no matter where the road takes you, when you turn to look back, you can't see what you've left behind. There's a definite message to that: move on with your life.

You can remember the past, hopefully with joy and perhaps a little sorrow, but also with the knowledge that you learned from where you came and are eagerly anticipating the future, no matter how many curves the road may hold.

Okay faithful blog readers--I realize that I have managed to wax philosophical, and I hope it's not too much. I tried to keep my philosophizing at a minimum. I am just thinking about recent events in my life and how certain things are changing, some as I type this. I believe in the importance of change since it helps me to grow and stretch my wings. But that doesn't mean that I have to like it immediately; it just means I have to learn to deal, which is sometimes easier said than done. But never fear because I will be fine.

You Can't Go Back

Sometimes I think that in the heat of the moment, we don't appreciate what a good thing we have until it's gone.

We take it for granted and although we love it and try to make the best use of it, we begin to think it will always be there, that we can come back to it no matter what.

But things don't always stay the same; in fact, they're always changing. And you never know when that one thing that means so much to you is going to change or no longer be a part of your life. You'll do your best to move on but still find yourself looking wistfully backwards, hoping you can find the missing thing and return it to its former place.

But the truth is you can't go back. No matter how much you may want to, you have to keep pressing forward. You have to accept the twists and turns your path through life makes and learn to be happy with the changes that come your way. Besides, if you're constantly looking back, you're going to end up running into something and just think how embarrassing that would be! It helps to be flexible so when these changes hit you, you don't snap and break. That would be pretty painful.

So the advice I leave for you, anybody who reads my blog, is to appreciate the good things when you have them. Hold tight to them and avoid taking them for granted. You never know when you're going to have to let go and move on to something else, but just keep in mind that it can be done, no matter how difficult. Try to keep a positive attitude--that's sure to help too.