My Life This Year

I wanted to write a thankful post for several days now, and tonight I actually have time to do it, but, alas, I'm afraid I'm not in a very thankful mood so I think it's a no go. But keep holding on because I'm sure it'll be coming soon.

Lately I've been thinking about everything that's happened in my life this year and quite honestly it's making me feel overwhelmed. I know that I've already lived through it, but there's something about going through it in my mind that somehow makes it completely overwhelming all over again. And brings back many of the emotions associated with said events. * Sigh * Sometimes I hate that girls are so prone to be emotional all the time. It just isn't fun. :(

I am a believer that things happen for a reason, so I know the experiences I've had have not come without reason. I guess the good part is I feel I've learned significantly from them, and I appreciate the growth I can see in myself. The hard part is they've involved doing and feeling a lot of difficult things, things that, quite honestly, I don't know that I want to re-live, so I hope I never have to.

I feel like a completely different person than who I was a year ago or even six months ago. I'm still me, but so different in so many ways. My task now is to accept this new me and to really take the time to process everything that's gone on in my life. I thought that I'd dealt with all the emotions already, but I think there's still some things I need to process and work on accepting. The depth of emotion still connected to some of these things is surprising to me which probably means that I haven't quite finished dealing with it, but now that I'm aware of that, I can hopefully fix the problem.

I know that I keep alluding to things, but I don't feel like airing my dirty laundry (anymore than I have in previous posts), so I'm not going into specifics. Either use your imagination, read my past posts or ask me about it, and I can probably tell you. I hope I don't sound dramatic because that's not my intention. Writing what I feel and think helps me to process things, so please bear with me as I do so.

I also want to say thanks to everyone who has supported me and been there for me through everything. Know that you are loved and appreciated more than words can ever express. If I don't quite seem like me, well, just know that I'm working on it. And I might be different than I was before. I don't know how someone could go through the experiences I've been through and not be changed by them. I guess some people could, but I can't.